while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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