Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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