please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
