We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
