new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
