And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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