it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just google imaged poop.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
