This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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