im about as happy as oj after his trial
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
