I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
