She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
