Little spoons don't ask big questions
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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