I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
