Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
