Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
