I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??