Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.