You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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