he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
