oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
