I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
