remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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