she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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