I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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