Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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