I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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