I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize