Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize