It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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