if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
