Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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