my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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