And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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