what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
