my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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