someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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