i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
