Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
