Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
