that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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