im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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