I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
