You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
