I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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