I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
