i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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