OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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