Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
4 words: hood of his car
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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