Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
