my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
