Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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