I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
