so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
