I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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