Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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