I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
