I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
