I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
