She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
