god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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