He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
