why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
