after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I want is dick and wine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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