fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize