Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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