Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize